FK, LIFESTYLE WRITER
Raising children is an unpredictable journey that nothing can fully prepare a parent for.
Even the most devoted parents will find themselves one day at friction with their growing kids.
A recent example of this is the case of Izzy Trazona-Aragon, a former SexBomb, who drew mixed reactions on social media for expressing love for her son, Andrei Trazona, yet refusing him support for his gender identity and drag persona.
“I love you so much to not support you on things that will harm you,” reads a part of her lengthy message.
The message also highlighted that Izzy’s position against her son’s identity is because it is “against the faith that I have in Christ.”
Read: Behind the glam: Andrei Trazona a.k.a. drag queen Sofia
For many, including Andrei and myself, this statement conveys love with reservations. In Andrei's words, it's akin to saying: "I love you because you're my son, but I don't accept you."
See, this is where it gets tricky for me. As a lifestyle writer who occasionally delves into parenting topics, I adhere to the rule of never lecturing parents on how to raise their children.
However, I struggle to find a valid reason for parents not fully accepting their child.
How ego-driven must a parent be to presume that something as personal and autonomous as a child's gender could endanger the child?
Although both parties must reach a mutual understanding, the primary responsibility for this rests with Izzy. She is the parent. It is crucial for her to expand her perspective, to go beyond merely hearing her child's words, and to actually comprehend that Andrei is an individual with his own thoughts and feelings.
Once you choose to undertake parenthood, it is a lifelong commitment. You must provide support and guidance, and you must take those in the direction your children choose to go—financially, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
Emphasis on support and guidance, not control and invalidation.
This is why I assert that the role of parent is the toughest, yet grandest hat to wear. You can't simply "un-parent" when things get inconvenient for you.
Dismissing your children’s legal choices and controlling every aspect of their lives are not the stamp of good parenting.
Sure, parents have legal and ethical responsibilities as custodians of children. But let’s get one thing straight: You don't own them. Children, like adults, are not chattel to be handled as you see fit, nor marionettes for you to control. It is even almost undignified to believe that we can own a person as though he or she is property.
To love one’s child should be a prerequisite to being a parent, and accepting them for who they are may well be one of parenthood’s lifelong courses that need to be refreshed constantly along the way.
Read:
- Andrei Trazona gets overwhelming support from father Michael Navarro
- SexBomb Izzy Trazona on son Andrei joining the drag world: "I love you so much to not support you on things that will harm you."
CHINO, SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGER
If you really care about your child, the last thing you want is to push them away.
Why? Let me go back to my thesis when I was still studying Psychology in college. My thesis mates and I took on the topic of whether “peer pressure” or “lack of parental guidance” contributed to the likelihood of “risky behavior.”
In psychology, “peer pressure” is defined as the process in which individuals within a group influence others in the group to engage in activity they may not otherwise engage in.
While “parental guidance” is defined as the process in which parents guide their children in developing their own sense of morality and responsibility.
Lastly, “risky behavior” is defined as socially unacceptable behavior with a potentially negative outcome when precautions are not taken, such as speeding, drinking and driving, drug abuse, unprotected sex, etc.
Surprisingly, when we were looking for research papers, we only found studies that looked into the impact of peer pressure on risky behavior.
This further proved our theory that there was a need to look into the lack of parental guidance and its impact on teens who engage in risky behaviors, specifically drinking alcohol.
True enough, our study showed that parental guidance was a strong factor in teens engaging in risky behavior.
Izzy Trazona-Aragon and Andrei Trazona in his drag personality, Sofia
In the case of Izzy Trazona-Aragon and Andrei Trazona, how is this study relevant?
Taking the most talked-about excerpt from Izzy’s FB statement about her son, her choice of words deflects her supposed intentions.
If her purpose is to protect her son from harm, then all the more reason for her to be by his side.
Curiously, what “harm” is she referring to anyway? How does Andrei’s drag performance put him at risk?
Sure, I see merit in the sentiment should Izzy be referring to “risky behavior” that Andrei may be exposed to if he allows himself to be pressured by his peers. But I still go back to this: with enough parental guidance, Izzy can help Andrei make better choices.
But if by better choices Izzy means her son must live the life she thinks is "good" for him, then she’ll likely just push him further away—and then she really puts him at risk of making choices he could regret.
Like FK, I think the two should find common ground—the sweet spot where Izzy and Andrei can openly talk without resentment or shame.
No doubt it’s difficult to be a parent, especially if you don’t necessarily agree with your child’s choices, but unconditional love is imperative for any parent.
As long as no crime is committed in the journey to self-discovery, then there should be no harm in accepting the path a child chooses to take.
And if that path has temptations that put him at risk, then your presence in his life is all the more needed for him not to get lost along the way.
Read: Ogie Diaz slams SexBomb Izzy Trazona for withdrawing support for drag artist son: "Mas kasalanan sa Diyos yang kaipokritahan mo."
TIN, STAFFWRITER FOR NEWS
Izzy's Facebook post received thousands of unsolicited comments and advice from individuals she and her son do not even personally know.
Disappointed, a bunch of people online now doubt if Izzy has been a good mother to son Andrei, going as far as calling her “homophobic.”
Another bunch voiced their support for her religious values. Meantime—and this one I agree with strongly—one bunch pointed out that this is a family matter and must be handled privately.
Hindi natin diary ang social media.
Private matters are called private for a reason. There are sensitive topics like this one that are meant to be discussed within the family and among trusted people.
Sabi nga ng isang kasabihan, “Nadadaan ang lahat ng bagay sa maayos na usapan.” Sina Izzy and Andrei, maaaring magkaintindihan ng punto at pinanggagalingan kung walang involved na iba.
Lagi sana nating tandaang when we post something on social media, we open that part of us to the public. Nagmimistulang bukas na libro ang buhay natin at wala tayong magagawa dahil mababasa ito ng publiko sa ayaw natin at sa gusto.
Beware of making your personal life accessible to the public. Once you do, mahirap mo nang bawiin. Magiging curious na ang tao, mangingialam at mangingialam na sila sa isyu mo.
Sobra ring bilis ng backlash. Minsan, people just want to voice out an opinion kahit hindi nila alam ang context ng nangyari. Dahil everyone else is invested na, may masasabi at masasabi sila na malamang ay hindi mo gusto.
Sino ba namang ina ang gugustuhing pagpiyestahan ang kanyang anak online? Kasama na ang pagkuwestiyon sa kanyang pagiging nanay?
So, keep private matters private. You cannot control others, but you can control when you let them in.
KHYM MANALO, YOUTUBE MANAGER
Sa tuwing makakarinig ako ng istorya ng isang anak na hindi tanggap ng magulang dahil sa kanyang sekswalidad, hindi ko maiwasang malungkot.
Hindi ko maiwasang isipin ang hirap at bigat na pinagdaraanan ng isang anak na ang gusto lang naman ay matanggap siya ng mga taong mahal niya. Mga taong inaasahan niyang unang iintindi sa kaniya.
Naalala ko tuloy ang coming-out story ko.
Bilang mga magulang, paniguradong naramdaman na nilang may kakaiba sa akin. Isang hapon pinatawag ako ng mama ko sa isang mistula’y “closed-door meeting.” Ang mahinahon niyang pambungad, “Ano ka ba talaga? Bakla ka ba talaga?” ay sinagot ko ng, “Oo.”
Mahaba ang naging usapan, pero ang hindi ko malimutan ay nang sinabi ng mama ko, “Akala ko madali lang pero mahirap pala.”
Walang humpay na iyakan ang mga sumunod na eksena. Mala-MMK sabi nga ng mga bakla. Natapos ang “closed-door meeting” nang maayos at may pagkakaintindihan.
Simula noon naramdaman ko ang adjustments at conscious effort ng mga magulang ko para mas maintindihan ako. At hindi rin ako nagkulang na ipaliwanag sa kanila ang mga hindi nila maintindihan.
Noon sinasabihan nila ako ng “Wag kang magkakalat diyan sa labas!” Ngayon sila pa ang bumibili ng mga bagay sa paborito kong kulay na pink. Sinusuportahan nila ako sa mga bagay na nakakapagpasaya sa akin, at bilang kapalit ay hindi ko rin sila binibigyan ng sakit ng ulo.
Tulad ni Andrei Trazona o Sofia in drag, kamakailan lang ay pumasok din ako sa mundo ng drag. Kabaligtaran ng naging experience ni Andrei, dahil ramdam na ramdam ko ang suporta ng pamilya ko.
Ramdam ko yung tiwala nila sa akin sa aking life choices. Ramdam ko yung totoong pagtanggap na nanggagaling sa totoong pagmamahal.
Iba ang nagagawa ng pagmamahal. Samahan mo pa ng effort at gabay. Mahirap. Magulo. Maraming tanong. Maraming di pagkakaunawaan. Isang mahabang proseso para sa magkabilang kampo.
Pero di ba sabi nga nila, “Love knows no boundaries.”
Dahil ang totoong pagmamahal, walang pinipili. Ang totoong pagmamahal, hindi selective.
FK, LIFESTYLE WRITER
Chino and Khym could not have said it better— unconditional love is the bedrock, the alpha and omega of being a parent.
I’d also like to thank Tin for her reminder that airing out dirty laundry is, was, and will never be the best way to settle things especially in today's digital age.
However, there's a silver lining in the virality of social media posts.
It can serve as a powerful platform to spread positivity, such as showcasing parents who wholeheartedly accept their children, regardless of who these children choose to be in this lifetime.
Here are anecdotes from celebrity parents towards their kids’ coming out stories:
Sharon Cuneta on Miel Pangilinan coming out: “I am proud of my girl and always will be. Needless to say, she will always have my support and love. No big deal.”
Ian Veneracion to Deirdre Veneracion: “Just don't ever be apologetic about it, not even to me. You can be whoever you want to be.”
Jackie Lou Blanco on Rikki Mae coming out: “As a parent, all I did was to love. My feelings for my daughter never changed when she came out. Life is hard in itself. They need love and understanding. At the end of the day, being a parent is really all about love.”
K Brosas to Crystal Brosas: “Anak, kahit ano ka, kahit halamang dagat ka pa, mamahalin kita.”
Read: 9 celebrity parents who embrace and support their LGBTQ+ children
I may not know much, but these inspiring stories teach me that much of loving is about being selfless — going the extra mile every now and then, letting go of grudges, laying down one's pride to let in respect and civility, and accepting differences.
This is not to be mistaken for condoning wrongdoings or tolerating harmful behaviors.
Instead, it signifies embracing acceptance.